Lead 1: Startling Statement
There are harmful chemicals, (DBP, Formaldehyde, and Toluene) found in most nail polish products and closely linked with cancer, birth defects and asthma, and they’re found in most nail polish brands that you have today. Possibly even on you’re nails right now as you read this.
Lead 2: Question/Startling
Did you know that OPI is one of the few well known and affordable nail polishes that are formaldehyde, toluene and DBP free? These are unhealthy chemicals found in many polishes, but many people do not know about this alarming health issue.
Lead 3: Contrast & Compare/Question
OPI nail polish sits on a shelf, without any buyers, while just next door other cheaper nail polish brands such as NYC and Sally Hansen are flying off the shelves. NYC and Sally Hansen, are on the cheaper end in the world of polish, costing $1~$2, while OPI is around $8. But does the savings outweigh the health issues?
Thanks!,
Jiyoon <3
I really liked the last one (The compare and Contrast/Question) but I think that you should add something about the health risks before the question at the end because it's confusing. But don't necessarily say what they are- just that there are some because that way it keeps the reader interested and you aren't putting all your evidence out before they even read the article.
ReplyDeleteI really like the last one, and as Audrey already pointed out you should give information about the health issues, because people don't know if this can be a discolored nail or a chance of heart attack. i really like the wording and it drew the reader in while becoming a little narrative, but making sure to bring the reader in. When those health facts are added i think it will become much more compelling.
ReplyDeleteCompare and contrast all the way! Just wait to add in the evidence, don't show all your cards!:) But other wise it was really good!
ReplyDeleteI like the compare and contrast/question lead the best because while the others were informative, i would have stopped reading there because i would have already known the health issues and not cared what the rest of the article said, but in the compare and contrast one, you leave the reader without knowing what the health issues are and how serious they are, so i would definitely keep reading that one.
ReplyDelete-Sophie :)
I like the compare and contrast lead the best. The last sentence is a little awkward, so maybe try editing that.-Haley
ReplyDeleteI liked the first lead. It was very interesting to even me, and nail polish isn't exactly my thing, also you might want to save some information for further use because if you give all your data at once it might be very boring towards the end. Anyways, nice leads.
ReplyDeleteBy: Chopsticks freak
I liked the startling statement. The beginning, made me want to continue reading. Those facts were mind blowing. I makes a connection with the reader.
ReplyDeleteI liked the starling statement. It totally affected me. I want to keep reading. < Ivan X. Naranjo
ReplyDeleteON MY NAILS RIGHT NOW???? God, Jiyoon. Way to freak everyone out.
ReplyDeleteBut good job. It really draws the audience in.